A Trip to Knot's Berry Farm

For Christmas we received season passes to Knot's Berry Farm. We were all very excited, but I must admit I was a bit uncertain as well. The last time we had been to an amusement park (DisneyLand) J was five, S was four, and L was one. We lasted less then four hours and S had multiple rages in that time. Thankfully, my sister, who purchased the tickets, was sick of DisneyLand anyway and had no problem going home early.

It was time for us to try the experience again. The nice aspect about season passes is there is no stress to do everything in one trip, and the novelty wears off after the first couple of trips. In our house novelty=meltdowns.

Food

I was very worried about eating at the park, or rather not having to eat at the park. We went to the park in the afternoon so we eat lunch before hand. The plan was that we would be home long before dinner. However, S can not handle the concept of not having food available at all times, and J is 13 and eats a ton. Bring snacks was a must!

I noticed some signs saying that you could not bring food into the park and I became concerned. I had packed carrots, dehydrated fruit, fruit strips, beef jerky, and water bottles in my backpack. In retrospect I think the signs were wording off coolers. When my bag was checked they did not even comment on the food.

It was a bit hard on my kids to see the mountains of ice cream and the hordes of funnel cake. However, they handled it with grace and even their cousins were happy with the bag of carrots.

We ended up staying until dinner time, and started to case the food joints. The wait for Johnny Rockets was over an hour long. There was another hamburger restaurant that I was happy to notice at least advertised a gluten free menu was available next to their typical menu. Thankfully all members of our party decided the price was ridicules - $17 for a combo meal and $6 for a hot dog! I ended up feeding all the kids the rest of the snacks and we ate eggs at home.

Next time I will pack some more food with us. We could have used more carrots and more lunch meat. Of course, we did end up feeding more then just the three kids as well.

Lines and Rides

When we first arrived in the park from one of the side entrances we decided to go straight to a ride. Partly I wanted to see how my kids did, but mostly it was to keep everyone with the group. An hour and a half later we ended up on the ride. By the end I was doing everything in my power to entertain L who was ready to give up to get out of the line. J was also not very thrilled. He hates being surrounded by that many people. So do I. No one in our family is very good at lines. But we made it and at the end was the water rapids ride. I am not sure how I would have helped all three kids into the ride by myself, however that thankfully wasn't an issue.

After the ride we made our way to the main entrance of the park. We had to get our official season passes. We also stopped off at the information center and picked up some passes. The system seems to work out pretty well. You get a blue card which allows four members to ride together - it makes it so I don't have to get a pass for each kid at least. You take the card to the exit section of the ride and they give you a time to come back to the ride. The best part is that they said they will give us the times for up to five rides when we first get the pass. This is perfect since I can't imagine we will ride much more then five rides in one visit.

We only ended up using the pass once - to get on the train. We got our time and then waited by the exit sign. The kids got to sit and chill and not have to worry about the large amount of bodies pressing in on them. Then we got to get on the ride away from the crowd as well.

We did not use the pass on the last ride as well. I was crazy to volunteer to go with the kids on the ride Wipeout. J opted out, however something my sister said convinced S to get on the ride. L did not need convincing, which is why I was going on the ride. There were also three other kids in our party that went. In the ride two benches face each other. Then the ride goes around in a circle while moving up and down and sideways. Just when you think it is going to get better it gets crazy in a different way.

L was sitting next to me. I had one hand wrapped around her so she would not freak out, or fall out. S was sitting across from me. During the ride L started screaming "I'm going to be nauseous" S just closed her eyes, put her head down and cried. I was trying to comfort both of them at the same time while dealing with the ride myself.

We only made it to three rides this trip.

Everything Else

Overall the park was crazy. We were there for seven hours and went on three rides and played at the arcade (overpriced!!!!). Everyone who had been their before said that this was an unusual amount of people, with the holidays I am not surprised. Even with the large amounts of people my kids made it seven hours at the amusement park! They are all happy to go back, and we plan to try and visit about once a month. By the end of the year we may have even done everything that we want to - no way is anyone in our family going on the rides that leave your feet dangling while you are upside down. Or the ride that drops you. Not when the Whiplash about did us in.

Our Story of a Bipolar Diagnosis - A Response to CNN's Article

As a mother I want to thank CNN for writing and publishing their much needed piece on mental health awareness - 'My son is mentally ill,' so listen up. I also want to thank Stephanie Escamilla  for sharing their story. I cried while reading it because I understood the struggle. It is such a heartfelt piece that I wish everyone would read. As a way of saying thanks I would like to share part of our story that lead to S's diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. It is a bit untangled with J's diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder as well. 

While getting my undergraduate degree I remember having a guest lecture in my developmental psychology class. I was intrigued by something they had to say and went to ask them how it would be in relation to my then eight year old daughter with bipolar. Instead of I thought provoking conversation the response I received was that my daughter did not have bipolar. Whom ever diagnosed her did it wrong. Without ever meeting my daughter, or hearing her story, they felt that they had the right to tell me what was not going on with my daughter.

S's Story

I remember S being laid on the clear weighing bin right after she was born and lifting her head up to stare at the world around her. I was amazed, even more so since her brother was nine months old when he accomplished the same thing. As an infant she hated to be held during the day. Yet, the only time she would sleep at night was in my arms. She was only truly happy when she was in a baby swing - we owned two. 

At about 18 months my daughter was constantly running away from me. Her favorite word ( and the only one I ever remember her saying) was "you can't tell me what to do". She would say it fast with the syllables running together so it was in fact just one word. "Youcanttellmewhattodo!" That was my daughters first word. I knew their was something different about her. I didn't know what it was. I suspected she had ADHD and we would have to deal with it when she started school.

However, I had to seek help when she was three. L was born just three days before S's third birthday. Within three months their dad was deployed to Iraq and I was all alone. 

S was no longer just defiant and hyper. By this point she was making regular threats to my life. She was also waking up screaming about the spiders eating her alive. Everywhere we went she saw things, and they scared her. Not that we actually went anywhere. A quick grocery shopping trip was a nightmare. She yelled and screamed so bad that we were often just asked to leave the store. I had to have food delivered to us.

S's diagnosis

I remember our first trip to a psychologist. At a friends assistance I had made an appointment for J as well, although it was S who was my primary concern at the moment. When the psychologist had called us back into his office I lugged in L in her car seat and herded J and S onto a couch. J picked up some object from the floor and plopped it into his mouth. S started using the couch as a slide. She climbed up the back and slid down. Then she was down the arm of the couch. I hadn't even sat down yet and she had slid down the couch at least ten times. I let her. I was too tired to care. And wasn't the psychologist there to help me? We would fix this together. I had no idea to road that we were in for.

ADHD

By the end if the appointment both of my children had a prescription for Concerta and a temporary diagnosis of ADHD. Relief had come at last. Except that just made everything worse. I gave J the medicine and he became obsessive. He hyper focused on coloring. He colored for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT! He didn't sleep  and I had to force feed him. He went through a stack of coloring books two feet deep. If I tried to pull him away he lost his mind. However, as concerned as I was I was so busy with S that there wasn't much I could do. When I gave S the medicine she went crazy. I mean CRAZY. I had to be with her every second of every day because she was doing things like climbing up to the walls. Yes seriously climbing up the walls. It didn't last a week before I called the psychologist back and told him to fix it or commit me. 

The Start of a Long Journey

Our first psychologist wasn't all that great. At the time I was appalled by his ignorance. However, with what I know now I understand that my children's diagnosis were truly before their time. J first received his diagnosis because my good natured friend gave me a book called Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood. I realized not only did my son have Aspergers, but I did as well (since then I also received a diagnosis). When I suggested this to the psychologist his response was yes that fits. I have no idea how to help you. I'll see you next week. 

As for S they were first convinced that she had reactive attachment disorder (RAD). A disorder typically found in neglected children. I suppose it was their way of telling me they thought I was a crappy parent. Yet, it didn't fit. The one major piece was that my daughter was not only emotionally bonded to me, she was if anything, overly bonded to me. She connected easily to people and held the bond forever. When I read The Bipolar Child it clicked in place for me. This was what was happening to my child. The therapist reluctantly agreed.

Over and Over and Over Again

It wasn't long after I decided we needed to find someone who could help us. I found a behavioral pediatrician who actually ran psychological testing on my children and confirmed their diagnosis. He is the one who gave me important skills on how to handle the rages. He is also the one who watched with me as L bargain to regress into autism and diagnosed her with PDD-NOS when she was a year and a half old. He also went through every medication he could think of until we finally found something that lessened the hallucinations and homicidal tendencies in S. 

As I began to see some improvements in S I started seeing J become less and less functioning and more hostile. To make it worse our pediatrician was so busy we could never get in to see him regularly. It was time to move on.

This decision set us on a path for several years. Every year we would get a new therapist. They would tell me S was not bipolar. I would node and say ok then what is going on. Between six to eight months they would confirm her bipolar diagnosis. By the end of the year they would tell us their was nothing more they could do to help us. Sometimes they would point us towards someone new. Other times they would just say good bye. J wasn't fairing much better. He had begun getting more and more violent. When he was eight he took a knife he had stolen and tried to kill me. He stayed in the hospital a week. A year later while ordering ice cream from Mcdonalds he started describing how he was going to carve up my body. 

I remember sitting in the emergency room for hours. I was in a room with my girls and my son who had just described my demise. He described it again for the nurse. He stayed in a week again this time. By that time I was done with hospitals. They hadn't done anything to help my son. He came home with stories of blueberry pie and guitar hero and asked to go back. 

During this time I had resigned myself to the fact that one of my children would probably kill me. Then I continued my effort to get them help.

Not Quite the Conclusion

Our journey will never have an ending. Most of the time we take three steps back for every one step forward. But even then we slowly progress. When my children were younger I did not dare to hope for their future. Now I know that while it will not be perfect it will be glorious. It will be glorious because they have fought and struggled to do what comes naturally to so many others - to live in this world.