If You Think You Can Do a Better Job - Be My Guest

 

I have faced a lot of ridicule as a parent. When S was younger it was next to impossible to go to a store - and being geographically single at the time I had to take my kids with me. S would yell and scream and hit and kick. I cannot remember how many store managers asked us to leave their store. Except every time they asked I was trying to leave. It is not easy to manage an infant, a young aspie who was barely functioning at the time, and a raging out of control child all at the same time.

At L's school the trees are tied in blue ribbons for autism awareness month. There are broken autism awareness pencils littering the playground - each child got one. There is an autism classroom on campus. When I have to drop L off for school I see the kids tromping off the bus. I watch their mother's pick them up out of the car and drag them to class. I understand, emphasize, and hold the gate door open for them.

Yet, is there really more awareness for children with mental health disorders nearly ten years after we were getting kicked out of stores?

Yesterday L was having yet another difficulty in transition from after school to the car. L has learned that if she honks to horn she gets attention. I usually lock her out of the car, leaving the other two children in the car so they do not interact. Except it was hot yesterday. The windows were rolled down, and L can climb through windows.

When she got in the car, I would unlock the door (this is trickier then it sounds since there is a lock button on the inside of the car) and pull her out of the car. During this process she is honking the horn. I then escort L to behind the fence away from the cars coming to pick up their children. The parents stare at me if I have a hold on her arm and they scowl at me if I do not and she is climbing on items.

A man who lives in the neighborhood decided that my daughter's horn honking was irritating his ability to work from home - at five thirty at night. Except as he walked over to the parking lot and started yelling at me he would not understand that I was not honking the horn, it is my daughter. I need to go help her, and not deal with his issues. When he said he did not mean to be an ass, I replied back well you are being one. I finally told him if he has further issues to just call the cops. Then I walked off to deal with my daughter.

The director of the after school program ignores all of her behaviors, much to my happiness. The parents do not. Last week I was standing right beside L as she was knocking on the window. I was telling her that if we pound on glass it will break, the glass will cause us to bleed, and I will have no choice but to call for an ambulance to keep her safe. She is terrified of ambulances. While I was talking to her a parent decided to chastise my daughter for knocking on the glass.

See it is all my fault for letting L's behavior get this out of control. If only I was a better parent. If only I was more involved, more structured, more disciplined, more whatever.

Or in the case of her activity leader I need to be less. I need to restrict her diet less. I need to be less pessimistic. I need to be less authoritative. I need to be less controlling.

Either way, it is all my fault.

To which I respond - "YOU DO IT!"

You try parenting my children. You try raising not one - but three special needs children all by yourself. You try controlling one child to make sure he does not set off another child. You try deflecting all the blows, taking all the bruises, so that another child does not get hurt. If you think you can do it better - be my guest.

No one has taken me up on the offer yet.