I truly do know that people have the best intentions when they tell me such things as "God must have known you can handle it" or "God doesn't give you more then you can handle" or any of the thousand other variations I have heard.
I want to respond back something along the lines of - "Have you ever had three children in the midst of full on meltdowns at the same time?" I restrain myself. There is no point. Most likely they have never had one child in the midst of full on meltdown at one time, and would have no clue what I am talking about.
The truth is. . . I can not handle it. Who can? I go from one child's meltdown to another child's temper tantrum. I have to constantly stay on top of every situation because I know how fast a situation can go from sibling rivalry to attempted homicide.
I have had to face the fact that one of my children could do irreparable harm to myself, and I have had to learn how to love them at the same time. I often go whole nights without sleep, working on getting one child to bed, then dealing with another who woke up in the middle of the night, to entertaining the one who woke up early.
I have had to learn about therapy, medications, food interactions, and even went back to school and obtained my master's degree in an attempt to be a better parent to my children.
There are nights I break down and cry convinced that I can not go on one more day. There are days that I am not sure I can last one more minute. There are times I turn to my children and tell them that I can not handle another meltdown because my patience has already run dry for the day. Then I still deal with the meltdown.
The truth is. . . I do handle it. When I can not go on for another minute, I continue to hold on. When I do not think I can last another day, I tell myself try, try for one more day. Then the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months. Before I know it I have been a mother of special needs children for thirteen years.
After all, I am a mother. What else am I going to do?
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